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Two conclusions to the essay, "Three Uses of Propaganda" written as an exercise for the worksheet, Essays: Four Ways to End (Conclusions)
Technique Three: Personal Anecdote
Although I understand the influence of propaganda, I still feel my opinion is often "managed" by these methods. In fact, when I first heard the story of the Kuwaiti incubator babies (thrown out by Iraqi soldiers, they said), I was outraged and upset. It was only later I learned the story was the work of a public relations company. If only I could be more skeptical in the first place, my opinions would be harder to change! —77 words, including the restated thesis.
Technique Two: Final Quotation
Although propaganda is meant to influence me, I still feel unfairly "managed" by these methods. In Noam Chomsky’s terms, “where the government can't control the people by force, it had better control what they think.” It seems to me more and more that propaganda itself is really psychological force, a force that is hard to resist when governments and other large organizations use sophisticated techniques to apply pressure on the public. —71 words, including the restated thesis.
Three introductions to the essay, "Three Uses of Propaganda" written as an exercise for the worksheet, Essays: Four Ways to Begin (Introductions)
Technique Four (Using a Striking Contrast):
Propaganda is often thought of as an entirely negative way of convincing people to change their opinions. We remember that the Nazis of World War Two were masters of propaganda. In fact, however, propaganda can be a useful way of influencing us. I am most interested in three ways that propaganda is used in our lives. (56 words, including thesis)
Technique Three (Using Recent News--10 years old!)
During the first Gulf War, a story circulated about Iraqi soldiers taking premature babies from their incubators and leaving them to die in a Kuwait hospital. This story, however, was completely untrue and had been created by a New York public relations company! I have always been interested in such propaganda and can see three ways it is used in our lives. (62 words, including thesis)
Technique Four (Justify My Qualifications)
As a teacher, I am required by the Ministry of Education English curriculum to teach my students how to identify techniques of persuasion and to avoid using logical fallacies. As such, I have learned quite a bit about propaganda. I am most interested in three ways I see propaganda being used in our society. (54 words, including thesis)
The following is a first draft of an essay. Following the essay is a series of revision examples taken from the essay. From the lesson, Essays: Writing Your First Draft.
Three Uses of Propaganda
According to the University of Texas, "Propaganda is a sustained effort by an institution to manage public opinion." I am interested in how we are influenced by propaganda and I see it in three different areas of our lives.
One way propaganda is used is by advertisers of goods and services. A good example is how car manufacturers "manage public opinion" in their advertising of sport utility vehicles (SUVs). In their commercial messages, these manufacturers emphasize the safety of larger truck-like vehicles. A speech to the US Senate, however, tells us that "the rate of fatal rollovers . . . for SUVs is almost three times the passenger car rate." Thus, drivers of SUVs face greater safety risks, not fewer, but advertisers still successfully persuade us to believe they are safer!
Another area I see propaganda used is, positively, by our own governments. Recently, much information has been given us on the increasing number of overweight and obese people in our country. According to Statistics Canada, "37% of children aged 2 to 11 were overweight" and "18% were obese." As a result, the province of Alberta has increased the amount of time students spend in physical activities and British Columbia is making an "activity record" mandatory for Grade 11 and 12 students. This kind of "sustained effort" by our governments is, I believe, a good thing and could result in a change of public opinion about proper eating and physical activity.
Lastly, and most seriously, I have noted that, sometimes, propaganda is used by governments to "manage public opinion" in negative ways. This October, former Foreign Secretary Robin Cook of the United Kingdom stated that the "serious threat" of weapons of mass destruction was understood to be overstated by his Prime Minister, Tony Blair. At the time, I remember being quite scared by hearing that Iraq could launch chemical weapons on "45 minutes notice." Propaganda seems negative to me when leaders intentionally manage our opinions using scary information they know to be untrue.
Although I know of and understand the influence of propaganda in these three different areas, I still feel my opinion is managed, at times, by these methods. Truly, I need to pay more attention to information to avoid being unfairly influenced! —374 words (needs to be closer to 300 or so)
ORIGINAL THESIS: I am interested in how we are influenced by propaganda and I see it in three different areas of our lives.
REVISED THESIS: I am interested in the influence of propaganda and see it in three areas (Word count is reduced from 21 to 14 words)
BODY PARAGRAPH ONE
ORIGINAL TOPIC SENTENCE: One way propaganda is used is by advertisers of goods and services.
ORIGINAL SENTENCE TWO: A good example is how car manufacturers "manage public opinion" in their advertising of sport utility vehicles (SUVs).
ORIGINAL SENTENCE THREE: In their commercial messages, these manufacturers emphasize the safety of larger truck-like vehicles.
REVISED SENTENCES TOPIC, TWO AND THREE (now only two): Advertisers use propaganda as a way to "manage public opinion." One good example is when car manufacturers emphasize the safety of SUVs (sport utility vehicles; large trucks). (The revision shortens the beginning of the paragraph from 43 words to 27. The topic sentence is changed from passive to active voice. The second sentence combines the details of two sentences and avoids repetition.)
BODY PARAGRAPH TWO
ORIGINAL TOPIC SENTENCE: Another area I see propaganda used is, positively, by our own governments.
REVISED TOPIC SENTENCE: Our governments often use propaganda positively to "manage public opinion." (Topic reduced from 12 words to 10 words and put in the active voice. Avoided use of "I" to reduce word count and made a reference to original quotation, too.)
ORIGINAL SENTENCES TWO AND THREE: Recently, much information has been given us on the increasing number of overweight and obese people in our country. According to Statistics Canada, "37% of children aged 2 to 11 were overweight" and "18% were obese." (36 words)
REVISED SENTENCES TWO AND THREE : Our government, worried about Canadians' health, has made a "sustained effort" to alert us that, according to Statistics Canada, "37% of children aged 2 to 11 were overweight" and "18% were obese." (32 words and clearer, too!)
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